Skip to main content

Jimmy

he was just a simple Hoosier
growing up amid the cornfields
where everything made sense
he loved the family cats and dogs
in one picture he's looking down
at his sweet dog
while the others, unsmiling
face the camera
he would play ball all day sometimes
Uncle Boob gave him his first fishing pole
he'd sometimes leave a line floating
while he went to church
later he would discover golf
read the whole Bible
he didn't miss the snow when
they came to Florida
his life was simple
a room full of books
job on the golf course
people lived and died there
for the love of their game
two weeks vacation
every year
when he'd do another
golf and fish adventure
then I came along
never the woman he deserved
watched his mom
wished I could be like her
beauty and kindness personified
she did her duty to God
her mind was to leave us
before her body
as it would be
with her son
never perfect
but so full of love
never to die
in the middle of
his golfing peak
he noticed something
drifting away
easy to shrug off
for so long
until the reality came
crashing down
I wouldn't accept it
he needed to do things for me
he couldn't do this to me
he needed to protect me
until these words
rang false
ridiculous
selfish
it was up to me
I went searching
for truth
security
family
from one coast
to the other
only to come full circle
and realize what
I had to do
let go
just be
just work
just love
just struggle
be joyful
cry like hell
hug my boys to me
who taught me
what love is
what family is
Jimmy
I still see
even as my tears fall
that superstar Little Leaguer
that guy who sunk
holes-in-one like it was no thing
the guy who goofed on
his honkey-tonk friends
the guy who always
guided my two left feet
through the line dances
the guy who refused to
let me give up
while others just saw
some redneck
who wasn't good enough
they weren't worth your toenail
that looks like a dragon's talon
I haven't forgotten
I hope one day
to be worthy of you...
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Day 22 - Beck Diet Solution, Say “Oh Well” To Disappointment

Inigo Montoya: Who are you? Man in Black: No one of consequence. Inigo Montoya: I must know... Man in Black: Get used  to disappointment. Inigo Montoya: 'kay. The Princess Bride (20th Century Fox 1987) Just as Inigo shrugs off the disappointment of the Man in Black’s declining to reveal his identity and gets right back into the duel, so too must we shrug off those discouragements that go hand-in-hand with losing weight and keep truckin’ down the weight loss trail.   It’ll go easier for us if we do.  What if we just lay around bellyaching about how horrible it is that we can’t have that donut, can’t eat/drink exactly what everybody else does at parties, can’t just open the fridge and eat whenever we felt like it?  How much would we really accomplish that way?  Even if we do stick to our plans for a little while under that mindset, we’d be fighting an exhausting battle with ourselves every day and eventually give in.  Even the patience an...
Post a Comment
Read more

Jimmy - 2/1/20

I dreamed of my Jimmy last night.  It was one of those dreams where it was all a mistake.  He hadn't really died.  He was at some nursing home and they were trying to find him for me.  Then in another part of the dream he was running around randomly spraying a hose.  Being that goofy Jimmy that he was.  I was hiding from him, terrified.  Then he popped up in front of me and sprayed some in my face, and I just laughed.  I hugged him hard.  Then in another part of the dream I was lying with him on the floor of the den in my grandparents' house, where sometimes I would just fall asleep in contentment.  I was leaning against my Jimmy.  I could feel myself leaning against him.  Then I woke up and saw I was leaning against the big pillow instead. Wow I love you Jimmy.  Always will.  Never was anyone like you before, nor will there ever be again.  This was not my first "it was all a mistake" dream.  I gu...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pariah

so burnt out looking to socialize i take a few sips of the libation my senses heighten i just listen to the sounds of the room frenetic chatter all around me right next to me within inches of me the drink feels like my only friend that's how i know i'm going into a dark tunnel triggering all the worst in me people jabbering on like robots not talking to let people in but to keep people out like me how different this is from the days i wandered through Demarest Hall at Rutgers vibrations all around were pulling me in urging me to make merry with them with no alcohol in sight just love proliferating.... everyone was welcome everyone was celebrated and then there was tonight the chattering all around me me just sitting there invisible i tried to reach out tried to connect tried to feel like it felt when there was no barrier just acceptance no judgment but they turned away back to the safety of their own whatever that means so i put a stop to it i put my drink on the bar i walked...
Post a Comment
Read more