Endless Summer Creations

Day 22. And I have lost weight. The scale is going down. No exercise either! Just keto - maybe "dirty" but still a vast improvement. I haven't been fixating on mealtimes. I got an air fryer a few days ago. Before that I got back into using the George Forman grill almost nightly. Air fryer is great so far. I can't even totally wrap my head around what it will be like to be trim and in shape again. It's been so long. But even in the midst of this oppressive circumstances with the scum next door. I am rising. It's not like I was doing anything new. It's all about timing. I guess I was just ready for it. I remembered how I was doing it in 2018 and the weight was just peeling off. And then I just stopped. And weight came back. Life will be so different. You'll get to go through the fulfilling journey again. Seeing weight melt off. Enjoying little victories along the way. Of course one is always impatient to see fast results. But I can wait. Some key compone...

Seven years ago I resolved to do my best part to fight gun violence. I was just finishing my second published book with the American Bar Association when 20 first graders and 6 of their teachers were massacred at Sandy Hook. I added a chapter to Civil Rights Litigation: Representing Plaintiffs Today dedicated to them. But that was not enough for me, and in the years since I have spent many hours pondering how to approach this issue. In thinking about why we as a country are so deadlocked on it, I thought about some of the problems with the term "gun control." Not only is this term very divisive in itself, but I think it misses the main problem. It is more a problem of guns controlling us, not the other way around. If we stop guns from controlling us, we will then stop them from controlling our country. Hence the title: Guns Don't Control US/A. This is an evolving issue. And 2020 has already changed the course of history, as it ushered in a devastating wor...

I dreamed of my Jimmy last night.  It was one of those dreams where it was all a mistake.  He hadn't really died.  He was at some nursing home and they were trying to find him for me.  Then in another part of the dream he was running around randomly spraying a hose.  Being that goofy Jimmy that he was.  I was hiding from him, terrified.  Then he popped up in front of me and sprayed some in my face, and I just laughed.  I hugged him hard.  Then in another part of the dream I was lying with him on the floor of the den in my grandparents' house, where sometimes I would just fall asleep in contentment.  I was leaning against my Jimmy.  I could feel myself leaning against him.  Then I woke up and saw I was leaning against the big pillow instead. Wow I love you Jimmy.  Always will.  Never was anyone like you before, nor will there ever be again.  This was not my first "it was all a mistake" dream.  I gu...

so burnt out looking to socialize i take a few sips of the libation my senses heighten i just listen to the sounds of the room frenetic chatter all around me right next to me within inches of me the drink feels like my only friend that's how i know i'm going into a dark tunnel triggering all the worst in me people jabbering on like robots not talking to let people in but to keep people out like me how different this is from the days i wandered through Demarest Hall at Rutgers vibrations all around were pulling me in urging me to make merry with them with no alcohol in sight just love proliferating.... everyone was welcome everyone was celebrated and then there was tonight the chattering all around me me just sitting there invisible i tried to reach out tried to connect tried to feel like it felt when there was no barrier just acceptance no judgment but they turned away back to the safety of their own whatever that means so i put a stop to it i put my drink on the bar i walked...

There were so many days where Jane was at the top of the world.   The day she hit the solo perfectly in the band competition junior year, down in Myrtle Beach.  One of the cool girls came up to Jane afterwards and said "Way to have grace under pressure!" The day she found out she made the varsity team on cross-country, after lagging behind the pack for so long... Many days at the summer camp, where she was enveloped in hugs, where she heard the sound of her bassoon blending perfectly with the woodwind quintet, when she sat in the CIT lounge with Mike, holding his hand and feeling new tingles all through her body... The night when she snuck the car to drive over fifty miles to see one of Mike's school concerts, then before he left his lips touched hers for the first time, setting her afire... Many days and nights where she roamed the college campus with friends, never having known a full social life before - constant knocks on door, phone ringing, girl...